UnElection Platforms

SEA Party

STEM Enough Already

Wispy
 

STEAM

As part of a transition phase from a STEM research university to a liberal arts college, I believe UTD should be branded as a Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, and Math school. To accomplish this, I will add “Arts and” to the start of every major.

 

Tear down ECS

In order to provide opportunity and resources for the liberal arts, the poorly utilized facilities of the ECS buildings should be replaced with a new arts building. The School of Engineering and Computer Science should be relocated to Classroom Building 3.

 

University Closure

If the number of non-STEM degrees issued is not doubled in the next year, I call for an immediate shutdown of the university until such time that all of the nerds go away.

 

Rededication Sculpture

The UTD campus lacks both outdoor art installations and a well-known statement of purpose (other than some weird thing about Tier One). In order to employ more Arts students and clearly convey the sentiments of the student body, I will erect a 100 foot tall monument depicting the destruction and overthrow of technology by marginalized humanists.

 

Trackable Chick-fil-a Orders

An idea that gets brought up repeatedly, but never followed through with within student government, is that of an application to track the current location of one’s Chick-fil-a order. We need greater transparency in the Chick-fil-a order preparation process, so that students are aware of when their order will be ready.

 

Senate Meetings To-Go

To increase student awareness of Student Government, I propose taking Student Government meetings to the places where students spend the most time. As such, I promise to hold meetings in line for food in the SU.

 

Comet Ubers

I stand for promoting the unfettered free market. Considering the overwhelming number of golf cart owners at UTD, I call for replacing an ineffective Comet Cab system with an Uber-like golf cart ride-sharing service, thereby enabling UTD students to practice entrepreneurship.

 

Protecting Our Opinions Proactively

(the POOP Initiative)

Diversity of thought on our campus is being diluted by constant dialogue between those who disagree with one another. In order to protect a wide range of thinking, an important feature of a thriving liberal arts college, from the corrupting influence of consensus, it is imperative that we cease all communication between those with different opinions.

 

Looking Competent

I support banning all students affiliated with Student Government from discussing any campus issues of importance with other students, particularly when running election campaigns. This will inspire the student body to assume that Student Government is effective, thereby increasing confidence on campus and stimulating the economy.

 

UTDerby

UTD needs to develop a strong sports culture in order to compete with other major public universities. I advocate for the construction and funding of a horse race track on campus. Despite the heavy up-front and maintenance costs, the university stands to make substantial money from racehorse ownership and betting by donors, while increasing school spirit.

 

Combating Voter Fraud

The integrity of our vaguely democratic Student Government elections is threatened by a presumably high incidence of voter fraud. I call for restricting voting in elections to paper ballots cast between 9:00pm and 12:00am on Friday and Saturday nights to ensure that only UTD students are able to vote. Additionally, all voters should have to show a government-issued photo ID (not a Comet Card) upon voting.

 

Campus Carry Celebration

To herald the much anticipated arrival of campus carry in August, Welcome Week should be rebranded as Welcome to Texas Week, and should feature gun shows to enable qualified students to purchase firearms with as few restrictions as possible.

 

A Modest Platform

Asshole Tie

 

Add the Word “Science” to the End of Every Major

The University of Texas at Dallas is proud of its successes. To ensure the credibility and relevancy of its academic programs, every major will have the word “science” added to the end so that potential employers will know that the degree is legitimate.

 

Megaphone Diversity Initiative

Upon enrollment, all minority students will be given one (1) free megaphone so that their voice may be heard more effectively.

 

Make Sexual Assault SUPER Illegal

Everyone knows that Title IX has some issues. Title IX will be replaced by Title XI, with increased distribution of educational materials so that everyone knows that sexual assault is, like, REALLY bad, you guys.

 

Stair Removal

Many students don’t notice the lack of accessible entrances to many campus buildings for handicapped students. In order to make this a more visible campus issue, all normal stairwells to buildings will be closed off or removed, with handicap entrances remaining accessible.

 

Ensure ALL University Employees Make $15 an Hour

We are a university of fairness and equality. To ensure that no one in the university system has undo influence but makes a fair wage, we will regulate that all university employees, from the janitor to the president, make $15 an hour wage.

 

Leadership Megazord

Leadership on campus should not be fragmented, but united. I will merge all student leaders, using the totality of NSERL’s resources, into a single, hybrid, Transformer-like entity.

 

Full Kickstarter Funding

Tuition increases have plagued student ability to afford the university. The university, however, should be able to survive on its own worth. In order to provide a more realistic funding experience for ECS and JSOM, the university will be fully funded through Kickstarter donations and loose change from the Student Union couches.

 

Finish Construction in One Fell Swoop

The current construction policy is inefficient; it takes place in waves and ensures that it is perpetual. Rather, I will demand that the entire university be put under construction at once. In the interim, classes will be held at Whataburger.

 

SG Sports Representative

As SG President, I will also be responsible for representing all sports teams on campus. In order to be effectively plugged in, I will join all sports teams as a member on the bench (they can put me in if they want to). Go Sports!

 

Cricket Stadium

Unbeknownst to many students, our school’s cricket team were national champions last year. Riding off of this success, our school deserves to have a D-1 cricket team. To best accommodate the incoming wave of fans, I will have cricket stadium immediately built, including a jumbotron for slow motion replay.

 

More Meetings!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meetings fix things. We should have more of them. And panels.

 

Weekly Duels

To ensure that Campus Carry has some sort of use, we will work to ensure that UTD has weekly gunslinging cowboy duels so that concealed weapons are put to use. Winners will be upgraded to (concealed) assault rifles.

 

Mandatory Crane Religion

Religion can cause a lot conflict. Rather than promote religious tolerance, I advocate for religious assimilation. All students will be required to pay their respects to our true Lords, the Cranes. As the author of the Crane Cult, I feel most authorized to be their priest and communicate their will to the student body.