Americans, millennials, and broke college students – I address you today over a problem that has been going on for too long, to call you to action against the ever-rising severity of this issue that almost constantly plagues all of us, especially in this day and age. It is our duty and burden as the next generation to deal with and end this problem, for no one else has the courage or the guts to do so without great failure. “What is this pandemic?” you may ask, unaware of the great horror of which I’m about to speak. Why, it’s only the worst annoyance imaginable, the greatest waste of time, worse than watching paint dry or trying to keep up with college loans: helping the elderly with the internet and the inexplicably weird things we call memes.
Wait, wait, don’t skip ahead, this is important! It’s a massive pain to deal with, no one wants to do it, and who would? As much as we love the elderly, especially the ones that aren’t in government, we want to be able to keep loving them without getting a nervous tick in our eyes while having to explain to them what a troll is and why wasting their time with one is never a good idea.
But exactly therein lies the problem, especially this year, as our government refills many seats in Congress and replaces our leaders in the White House. We the people enjoy and employ grand politicians who are masters at protecting the rights of those who look exactly like them, and who work tirelessly day and night to secure the vital funding necessary to enjoy another few years in office. The campaigns they mount, wisely and responsibly spending large sums of money to gain votes, are massive and enormous undertakings that confuse us so much that we can’t focus on whatever small mistakes they have made.
So, it hurts them, as politicians, and us, as people with eyes, when this July one of them decided to force a very bad Pokémon Go joke in an attempt to try to reach younger generations in Virginia. It was such a bad joke that multiple news sources called it excruciating, cringe-worthy, and painful, and in the end it strongly hurt her campaign.
Unfortunately, there have been far too many examples of this, to the point that when a hoax political ad for people to “Netflix and Chill” with someone who looked like the Zodiac Killer was produced, no one even tried to question it. At this point we’re so used to this awkward, failed pandering, that we’ll just cringe and move on! And it doesn’t stop there! Recently, politicians using internet memes have gotten so bad that Pepe the Frog (yes, the green meme that refuses to die) is now considered to be a symbol of hate by the Anti-Defamation League. Looking for someone to blame? Just thank everyone’s least favorite real-life troll for using it in his own campaign. No, I’m not joking. He actually did tweet a picture of himself as Pepe.
This has to stop. Nothing good can come from mixing these two poisons of politics and bad memes together. But fear not, for the greatest internet minds have come together to create the perfect antidote to this visual poison plaguing us.
It is time for you to grab your elders of choice (preferably one you are related to, or not, you do you), grab a computer or phone with access to any social media, and ruin memes for them. Drive them off the internet! Show them the Pepe memes, the Doge, the Nyan-cat, and the tens of thousands of variations of them that will convince them to never open the internet ever again. Make them an account on any social media and bombard them with memes to the point that they become so sick of them that they never want to use, see, or hear of the internet again. In their misguided efforts to participate in modern society, older generations pose a grave threat to our sanity. How can we, the digital natives, hope to efficiently use social media to waste time when we are perpetually beset by the awful and embarrassing travesty of old people on the internet? By ruining memes for our elders, we can save them for our youth.
If we succeed in doing this, the elderly will quickly run out of patience for candidates who use memes, meaning that politicians will be forced to look for new ways to reach the youth vote while campaigning, including taking us seriously! New politicians who know better than to meme will take elections seriously again, and no longer will any of us have to cringe at their facade of trendiness. This shall be no easy task, as most politicians have already learned how to tune out everything but their own voice and the voices of those who sound like them, but we must at the very least try. So get out there and start meme-ing!