ILL-ADVISED with Aunt Mo and Aunt Jo (September)

Aunt Mo and Aunt Jo are not aunts and are in no way actually qualified to answer your questions. However, they have a lot of opinions and want you to follow them. This column aims to satisfy our need to give unsolicited advice.  

Early in our relationship, my boyfriend and I set boundaries for what we are and aren’t ok with physically. But as we’ve grown closer and more comfortable around each other, it’s gotten more difficult for each of us to stick to them. How can we make sure we don’t get into a situation one or both of us would regret, without sacrificing the intimacy we’ve built?

—Cozy on Campus

Mo: Y’all should have another conversation about why you set boundaries. Were they made to protect you from getting too close too fast? Are they religiously motivated? Do they stem from intimacy problems?

Jo: I think it’s important to re-evaluate and discuss what you both want out of this and why.

Mo: Either way you decide to proceed, you can continue to be intimate.

Jo: Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are different things!

What is an appropriate age range for a couple? I’m tryna get with a dude who is 9 years older than me.

—Half your age plus 7?

Jo: That’s so weird, one of my friends was recently in the SAME situation…

Mo: Are you also 9? If so, that might be a problem.

Jo: If you are 9 and are trying to get with an 18 year old, please stop reading this column and tell your parents you need help.

Mo: But also good job getting into college so early! I’m glad UTD has such smart students.

Jo: Assuming you’re not actually 9, Aunt Mo and I do have a theory about age gaps. Aunt Mo?

Mo: As long as you two are in similar life stages and you’re not underage, you’re fine.

Jo: Probably. Unless you’re a 9 year old in college.

Mo: Then it’s still a no-go.

What is y’all’s stance on underage drinking/illicit drug use on UTD’s campus?

—Curious

Jo: Did you not read our column in which we listed like 50 anti-drug slogans???

Mo: Same applies for underage drinking.

Jo: Under the influence, under arrest.

Mo: Don’t be dumb, don’t drink rum.

Jo: You’re no punk, so don’t get drunk.

Mo: Keep the plug in the jug.

Jo: Drinking isn’t cool. It makes you act like a fool.

Mo: You booze, you lose.

I’m team #keeputdnerdy. Campus culture feels like it’s getting more normal. Do I need to start conforming to social norms?

—The kid who walked out of the library in a dinosaur onesie

Mo: No.

Jo: I think the beautiful thing about UTD is that we can have some degree of normalcy but ALSO have kids walking around in dinosaur onesies. It just adds a little variety to your day.

Mo: I disagree. I think UTD needs a uniform, but I am flexible enough to include all reptile type onesies.

Jo: Interesting take, Aunt Mo. SG, your move.

I like a dude that another one of my friends was once interested in. Things never really took off for them. Am I out of place for trying to get at this homeboy? Will this tear my friend and I apart? She’s smart, kind, and mature, but I do not want to overstep any of her boundaries. I’d like to at least think I am considerate.

—Does this count as sloppy seconds?

Jo: First of all, the term sloppy seconds sucks. Did y’all see the episode of The Bachelorette where Bryan referred to Rachel as his “sloppy seconds”??? Why did she pick him???

Mo: I am just gonna answer for everyone else: NO. And we also weren’t surprised when Nick and Vanessa broke up. Televised love is a lie.

Jo: At least your life isn’t as complicated as #BachelorNation, dear reader. Talk about tearing friendships apart.

Mo: Mainly our friendship.

Jo: ANYWAY, back to YOUR friendship… I think you should talk to your friend first. Does she still like this boy?

Mo: Are things so weird between her and homeboy that any future relationship would put your friendship at risk?

Jo: It’s also important to weigh possible risks and gains in this situation. Does it seem like he likes you? How much do you value each relationship?

I live in a house of five guys, myself included. Two of them are totally harmless and tend to mind their own business. Another roommate is totally lazy. The last roommate keeps the place clean, but he sucks the life out of the rest of us. He is the reason our 6th housemate is no longer living with us. How do I deal with somebody who maintains our shared space, but otherwise just sucks?

—Gary with Initiative

Mo: Have you talked to him?

Jo: Should we just answer every question with the word “communicate?” Because I feel like that’s where we’re at right now.

Mo: Yes. But also consider if your roommate is a natural “life sucker.” Is he doing it on purpose?

Jo: Agreed, what does it mean that he sucks the life out of you? Is this like a permanent trait or can he work on it? If you can pinpoint specific issues, you might be able to discuss.

I think my apartment is haunted. Any pointers on how to ward of spirits or demons?

—pitiful and petrified (and peeved)

Jo: Communicate.

Mo: I would recommend a Hasbro Ouija Board, you can get them at Target.

Jo: Or get your hands on some holy water. Or burn sage. Or invite your local priest over. Or a medium… Do I know too much about how to get rid of ghosts?

Mo: Aunt Jo, why do you hate ghosts so much?

Jo: I think it’s because I’m from New Orleans. Did y’all know I’m from New Orleans? Did y’all additionally know that New Orleans is probably the most haunted place ever?

Mo: So shouldn’t you have learned to live alongside ghosts?

Jo: I don’t mind ghosts, it’s just when they start interfering in your life, ya know?

Mo: Nope.

What is the appropriate amount to talk about study abroad/internships when I return to campus?

—Oh my God, did you study abroad?

Mo: Did y’all know that Aunt Jo and I studied abroad together this summer?

Jo: We did. We took trains through Europe and saw many of the great wonders of the world. It was an absolutely transformative experience. I am forever changed. The world is so beautiful, isn’t it, Aunt Mo?

Mo: It was basically an international tour of (non-free) public bathrooms.

Jo: In all seriousness, I think it’s mostly appropriate to talk about it when asked.

Mo: But, you can have a really liberal interpretation of what being asked is. For example, any time someone brings up any type of transportation, traveling, foreign countries, languages other than English, or food in general I let them know I was in Europe this summer.

I want to be friends with y’all. You seem super cool, and I’ve heard nothing but good things from people who know you personally. How should I go about doing that?

—friendship and feminism

Jo: We actually have an intensive ten-step application that can be found on AMP’s website.

Mo: We’ll be in touch.