ILL-ADVISED with Aunt Mo and Aunt Jo (October)

Aunt Mo and Aunt Jo are not aunts and are in no way actually qualified to answer your questions. However, they have a lot of opinions and want you to follow them. This column aims to satisfy our need to give unsolicited advice.

Life is hard. How do you guys deal? What do you do for self-care?

—Minus Me Time

Jo: Have you heard of baths?

Mo: Almost more importantly, have you heard of epsom salt or bath bombs? Or even showers.

Jo: I think the most important aspect of self-care is just taking the time to do things that make you feel good. For us, it’s baths and books. For you, it might be, like, sports or something.

Mo: Or even exercise in general (in moderation). Aunt Jo loves swimming even if she doesn’t believe in sports!

Jo: It’s true. I prefer to think of swimming as a form of active meditation.

Mo: Just make sure you can schedule yourself some time. You have to plan to make sure you don’t feel rushed or guilty for taking time away from your other responsibilities.

When I walk past people they always have their phones out as an excuse to avoid eye contact. Are they scared of me?

—My Eyes Are Up Here

Jo: Why would they be scared of you? Are you Temoc?

Mo: Why do you want to make eye contact with them? ARE you Temoc?

Jo: Assuming that you’re not Temoc… are these people you know or are you trying to make eye contact with strangers? I have more questions than answers to this one, honestly.

Mo: If you know them, just holler. If not, stop trying to stare people down.

I’m really bad at being efficient when I sit down to do work in my apartment (or anywhere really). My classes don’t make me write that often, so I’m not used to long papers. My standard sentence per hour rate just isn’t cutting it anymore. Do y’all have a favorite focus method? Any tips or tricks?

—Distracted and Dejected

Mo: As a fellow non-writer, I completely understand you. I have to force myself to really concentrate when I have to write.

Jo: My tricks are white noise, coffee, and isolation.

Mo: I like to reward myself when I make progress by treating myself to chocolate, or popcorn, or smoothies.

Jo: I tend to emerge from my room once every few pages to get food and let my roommates know I exist.

Mo: It is also helpful to find a space that is comfortable but not someplace you normally go when you have to write. Looking at you, tiny nook on the third floor of the library.

My long-distance boyfriend is coming to visit soon, but I live in the notoriously thin-walled dorms. How do I physically enjoy my time with my boyfriend without making my roommates uncomfortable?

—Horny but Respectful Roommate

Mo: Do it. Just do it to really loud music.

Jo: You might also just have to come to terms with making your roommates uncomfortable. Loud music can only do so much.

Mo: Give your roommates a heads up, but don’t feel obligated to explain yourself (and your sex life) if you don’t want to.

Jo: Godspeed.

Housing just told us our apartment has a cockroach infestation! How can I get rid of these unholy evolutionarily perfected abominations?

—Terrified in Texas

Jo: This sounds like my nightmare. Let me tell y’all about how Aunt Mo handles cockroaches. She locates the cockroach, gets a bowl, puts said bowl over said cockroach, and scooches it outside to our balcony. Shoutout to whoever lives below us!

Mo: I am still not 100% sure they survive the fall, but I believe in them. Last night, at 3 AM, I got out of bed and found a huge sucker in the bathroom. In my sleepy haze, I still deposited her outside. It takes minimal skill level, but a medium amount of effort.

Jo: Basically, we have very different approaches to dealing with these little demons. Mo prefers to save them, while I prefer to yell until one of my friends kills them. Up to you, Terrified.

What’s an appropriate way to ask a girl at the gym for her number? (Especially if she’s laying on the ground or running on a treadmill WITH headphones in.)

—Swole and Single

Mo: Don’t.

Jo: Just don’t.

It’s hot enough outside to wear shorts and a tank top, but every single classroom I enter feels like the Arctic!!! I think my body doesn’t know how to regulate temperature anymore. *shivers w/ hot flash* Help?

—Hot n Cold

Mo: As a Texan, I have gathered some skills to deal with this phenomenon, but they all require the use of cardigans.

Jo: As a Louisianian, I would like to remind you to count your blessings. It could be hot AND humid AND raining AND sunny AND somehow hailing all at the same time.

Mo: Never doubt what closed toed shoes can do for you.

Jo: Layers are your friend.

Can I go to my long term boyfriend’s (of 3 years) extended family Thanksgiving celebration out of state or will that send weird marriage vibes to his family?

—Til Turkey Do Us Part

Jo: Honestly, I went to Thanksgiving with one of my best friends last year, and I think we may have sent weird marriage vibes to her family.

Mo: Have you determined what will be served? If it is yummier than your own family’s Thanksgiving I say you put everything on the line for the meal.

Jo: I agree. Figure out which meal you want more and go there. But also, if you do decide to go to his Thanksgiving, I don’t think it’s weird.

Mo: Feel free to drag your boyfriend to yours too!

I’m pregnant. I don’t know who the father is. It’s either my ex or my new boy toy, and neither are suited to be dads. SOS

—RIP Me

Jo: Oh my god. Is Kylie Jenner writing into our advice column?

Mo: Who?

Jo: Don’t play games with me, Mo. You know who Kylie Jenner is.

Mo: Okay, okay. But who are the possible baby daddies?

Jo: Travis Scott and Tyga. Come on.

Mo: Who?

Jo: I’ll take this one. It’s all gonna be okay Kylie; your family is so supportive. You can afford like ten nannies, it doesn’t matter if Travis and Tyga suck (which they do, let’s have a chat about valuing yourself).

Mo: Write us back if you have any more questions.

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