Interview with a Ghost: A Cool Local Band’s Lead Guitarist

In the typical DIY music scene popular with late teens to early twenty-somethings, there are always unspoken facts about the personalities behind those magicians of string-plucking, cymbal-crashing, and pedal-pushing to mask their actual skill level (kidding, of course). The drummer that never brings his own sets and knits his own kombucha brewing jar cozy; the bass player who, um, huh; and then, of course, the lead guitarist and singer widely known for being well-meaning  and outspoken, though neither of those things mean sh*t when it comes to his actual personality … especially when it comes to how he treats women, if you know what I mean. Unluckily, I snagged a chance to interview Andy (I think that’s his name, all leads are either named Andy, Evan, or Matt so it has to be one of those) of DFW legend Palm Gardens or something like that, just to see how this stereotype holds up. As it turns out, he’s no longer physically human but rather a poltergeist of his old body, so watching a floating cloud come up to me was horrifying and disorienting at first. He’s gotta be a cool dude, right?

AMP: It’s so nice to finally meet you, how’s the day been going?

Andy: It’s been pretty nice so far. Clothes kept going through me, though, so getting dressed was kind of a pain. Also I can’t eat anything so watching the boys eat turnip loaf and burdock soup without me was painful to say the least.

AMP: So let’s get the obvious out of the way, how did you become a gaseous entity of a previously physical body that only partially exists in this dimension?

Andy: It’s actually kinda hard to trace back. It happened around the time I was dating this one girl who I met at the bookstore where I was working at the time. We really had a good run for a few weeks, but I felt like it was getting too serious and I kinda just got caught up with life and stuff. I never got to tell her that though, and I kinda just forgot to reply to her texts. I think she’s cool with it, even though she flipped me off in the bookstore the next time she came in and then my body started fading. I started having this pale cloudy aura or something and soon my lower body just disappeared into this floating trail of fog. Real wacky stuff, dude.

AMP: There’s been a lot of news regarding sexual assault in music scenes across the country. What are your thoughts on it?

Andy: It’s really sad, honestly. Like, you have these fans taking immense interest in the members who just use it to their hedonistic and childish desires. I mean, I can spot who out of my audience would sleep with me, but that doesn’t mean you act on it!

AMP: What do you feel inspired your latest LP?

I was listening to a bunch of whale songs and the sounds of poison ivy leaves flying into people’s faces. Really, it’s all about trying to capture that raw pain of facial outbreak and pustules. Also, there’s fog noises, because I’m apparently haunting now?

AMP: Is cream of burdock soup and turnip loaf a tradition among you guys?

Andy: We got the idea from a cookbook called The Politically Correct Palate where they don’t use any ingredients that can cast a shadow. It’s been our bible of recipes ever since.

AMP: How are you coping with not being able to eat turnip loaf?

Andy: It’s been very rough. It was so heartbreaking when I ate that grey brick of tastiness and it just fell to the ground—those freaking pigeons just had at it. I mean, I don’t have anything against impoverished animals, but I don’t like them freeloading my turnip loaf!

AMP: What are your plans after this?

Andy: Kinda thinkin’ of going into pottery. Maybe I’ll find another girl who’s also a ghost, ya know?

AMP: Well, that’s all the questions I have for you today, man. Anything else you want the fans to know?

Andy: Yeah, actually, give a listen to my new EP. I may be dead but I still got it.

That’s all I got from Andy before he mumbled something about Spotify and then vanished into thin air. Thanks for reading this month’s “Interview With A Ghost.”