Aunt Mo and Aunt Jo are not aunts and are in no way actually qualified to answer your questions. However, they have a lot of opinions and want you to follow them. This column aims to satisfy our need to give unsolicited advice.
Got a burning question for them? Ask here.
I was at a concert and noticed a cute boy who’s my type taking photos (which makes him even more my type), so I went up and started talking to him. I discovered that he’s a senior in high school — I’m a sophomore — but he wants to come to UTD to study the same thing as me, and we seemed to have a lot of common interests. Should I keep talking to him and see where it goes? Or wait for next year? Or back off the young’uns?
—Could be a Cougar
Jo: So this isn’t the biggest age difference we’ve seen…
Mo: But you are in different stages of life.
Jo: I say be friends for now, give it a year, and then go for it if you’re still into him. Going to college changes a person! He could be so much cooler in a year! Or he could suck! Time is a beautiful thing!
Mo: Invest in your friendship. Sometimes it is better to have a long-term pal than a short-term fling.
Jo: Or just go for it, what do we know?
My high school boyfriend has come back into my life. We’ve both changed significantly over the course of the past three years, and have different ideas about what will happen next (yes, we’ve talked about it). I know distance, career, and personal limitations make “us” something that just shouldn’t be, but the emotional chemistry we have is unparalleled. Please help me.
—New Person, Same Old Mistakes
Jo: Everyone who isn’t New Person, stop reading! Girl, we know what you’re doing. Stop it right now. Also, text me, please.
Mo: The Aunts do not approve. You’ve gotta shut this down.
Jo: Don’t we have enough emotional chemistry in our friendship to tide you over???
Mo: Date more people! Have you considered using our custom business cards? For everyone else, just don’t date your exes.
Jo: I really hope this is who we think it is, or else this is gonna be real awkward.
I was cuddling with a boy one night, but the next day he told me that he likes my best friend. He then asked me for advice on how to ask her out. How should I respond?
—Deceased and Deceived
Mo: I have this theory about platonic cuddling: It never works.
Jo: Cut him out of your life forever, he sounds terrible. Or, even better, give him awful advice for asking out your friend and then gang up with her and destroy him like in John Tucker Must Die. Am I taking this too far?
Mo: Yes. I would just stop cuddling in order to cut off the biochemicals making you feel sappy. Tell her what he is up to (both in and out of your arms).
Jo: I like my idea better.
I told this boy I liked him, but he said my personality was too strong for him. This is a recurring theme in my love life. What should I do?
Mo: Date boys who can handle strong personalities.
Jo: I would say that Aunt Mo and I have strong personalities. We do okay. I think these boys just suck.
Mo: It also helps to find outlets to express your strong personality. Might I suggest using AMP as a format to utilize your strong personality and meet others who do the same?
There is a potential papí in my lab, but I haven’t talked to him much and he’s a grad student. How can I slide in?
—Potential Sugar Baby
Mo: We know from prior observation that grad students are generally not rich enough to support your sugar baby lifestyle.
Jo: If you want to know obscure information about your field or learn the best ways to eat crappy ramen noodles, hit him up for sure.
Mo: Otherwise, steer clear clear of mixing work and play.
How can I see more puppies in my life?
—Puppy Dog Eyes
Jo: Have you met the puppy formerly known as Boots?
Mo: His caretaker walks him to the Plinth daily. Word on the street is that his name is Miles.
Jo: Which is a ridiculous name for a dog, but that’s beside the point. Basically, hang out at the plinth and the puppies will come to you. Or, volunteer at an animal shelter! Do good AND see puppies!
Mo: In the past, there have been all kinds of pets in the library during finals week for stress relief.
Jo: Best of luck on this journey. We believe in you.
Yo, your hair looks dope. What do you do to it?
Mo: I shower. Bathing is important.
Jo: Curly hair is a blessing and a curse. I tried EVERYTHING when I was younger. For a while, I hated my hair so I would sleep with it in a bun to try to stop the curls. After a while I recognized the inevitability of the curls and I tried gel, mousse, about fifty kinds of leave-in-conditioner and lots of hairspray. Then, I discovered Shea Moisture! So now I use basically their entire line for curls. Also I have become liberated by cutting my hair off! Would recommend.
Mo: My secrets for success are to use scrunchies instead of hair ties to limit hair breakage and to minimize the use of heat products, especially without heat protectants.
Jo: Be nice to your hair! Embrace your natural self!
Do you plan on purchasing the new Temoc socks?
Jo: Um, yes. I already purchased them!
Mo: Aunt Jo bought five Temoc 2018 calendars. She might be the largest purchaser of Temoc goods.
Jo: I know a couple UTD alums who would NOT appreciate that statement, but I will wear that title with pride.